Feb 1, 2013

Don't Apologize So Much

it makes me sad...

I have the impression that women often feel they need to apologize for more then what is necessary, 
and what is far below their dignity. Nothing makes me more sad, then having the impression that, a
beautiful woman feels the need to apologize for talking too much, doing too much or being too snugly.
This is of course just a few things, and all tho it's not always just "normal" things it's about, I still feel it's
such an unnecessary low some has come to settle with. 

An example:

Someone I know (I'm not sure if I will call him a "friend" any more), told me the other day, that his
woman (which he lives with), had re-decorated their living room a little bit while he had been to work,
and she had put up a lot of flowers, roses and more, to make it pretty, and more romantic. This "friend"
of mine isn't really a big fan of flowers and such, but all tho she knew this, she did it anyway, to show
him how pretty it would be, and to do something nice for him, since he's working all day, and she's
working from a home office. His reaction had been anything but what she had expected from her big
effort to brighten up their home. He told me that, at least she apologized a LOT for what she had done.
And, "since she did, it's OK"...

My immediate reaction was: "How do you really treat your woman?!"

He just stared at me. He never thought my reaction would be those words. But, I also think he realized 
what I meant - very much so. 
He made her apologize for doing something so nice for him! He made her, in my meaning, apologize 
to him for loving him so much, that she wanted to make him happier then he was when he left home for 
work that morning. I HATE that! It makes me so sad, and angry, that someone could do that to 
someone they are supposed to love, or to someone that loves them. It's like the woman has been put
down so much, that she feels everything she does is wrong, and that apologizing for it, has become normal.
It's below their dignity. And so unfair...

This is just one example. I had many female friends, and acquaintances in my life, that has been the same 
way. Apologizing for what ever, no matter if it's something good they done, that their partner didn't like 
too much, or for things of no real importance. Just because they are girls. Well, to me it seems to be 
that way. Putting them selves down and shooting out an apology as fast as possible, just because they 
think it's necessary, and that it is what their men want to hear. It makes me feel sick. 

My mom was the same way! She has changed about it now, thank the maker. But, I think, that is from 
where I have become aware of this problem (if you will call it that). My mom is the most amazing, caring 
and wonderful person I have ever known! I am well aware this may sound like a cliche, as it comes to mom
and son, mommas boy, and so on. But I'm not a "mommas boy". I'm not spoiled. Far from it. It's just a fact. 
My mom had a tough childhood. She grew up without her own mom, a dad that drunk him self to death,
and she grew up in various homeless institutions. Also, her life with my family, hasn't always been easy. But
she never gave up, she stayed because of me, and my brothers. Her kids. But instead of having an argument,
or fight brewing, she always was the first to apologize for what ever was going on. ALWAYS! It didn't
matter what it was, or if it was necessary or not, she did it anyway. It was so. So. SO below her dignity! 
If she just said, or used a single word wrong: "Oh, I'm sorry!" If she just put an extra potato too much on 
our plates: "I'm sorry, I'll take it off"...  
Her face always looked so sad when she said it. And it always had such a nervous look. It made me so sad. 
Finally, I started telling her, "don't apologize mom, you have nothing to apologize for". 
Or, "never say you are sorry for something like this, all you do is trying to help. Be proud, don't apologize". 
She got better! You could see her confidence grow, she realized that she had been doing something for 
years that was below her dignity. She didn't have to apologize, what she was doing, was for love, and because 
she care. She didn't let people step all over her anymore, and she realized she was doing the best job ever 
as to being a mother and our family's strongest person. 
She had been "put down" enough. No more unnecessary apologizes. And it's been that way ever since.

a friend: "always apologizing will make you feel down - be proud! keep them close to your chest"

I sometimes feel so sad for women that feel they need to apologize for things they do, that are a result of 
their love towards a person. Or I feel bad for men, that, don't realize that it IS their women love for THEM, 
that makes them sometimes do things, they feel are too intense, or clingy. 
When their husband comes home from work, and they been home all day, sometimes the woman rushes to the 
door, flocks their arms around them and wants to tell them about their day. The whole day! That they spent, 
maybe alone, while their loved one has been away. Sure, we may need a minute to relax a little before we get 
rushed over by words, but what is the woman's reason for doing this? Her Love! For you... She missed you. 
Those few hours, and she missed you, that much! She wants to share her day with you. Because she loves you. 
I think we men should be able to appreciate that, for what it is. I know many guys that I know, complains about 
exactly this.  

It makes me sad. Mostly, they say it ends up with their woman apologizing... Apologizing for loving you! Ha! 
Never do that. Know who you are, and be proud! You are the woman in "my" life, our caring partner, the 
strongest person, and personality in our society, that is in many situations those persons that keeps us all 
together. Don't apologize for all the little things. It's below your dignity. You are the woman. The bringer 
of LIFE! The most important one in every home. Don't apologize too much. You don't have to. It's not 
You are so much more important then that. And so is what you do for us 
Those men, who don't realize that, they are the ones who should apologize, to you...

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